by Arjuna D. Ghose (2001)
What freedom have I chosen?
I am a feather in the wind more than I am a bird.
Like half-notes and arpeggios,
I play a song in the wind.
As wishes and more wishes are blown away,
Only one wish remains:
“Oh, Eternal Wind,
Play a divine melody,
One that blows this weightless feather
Across the face of a child.”
With her helpless tears wet and pure,
My hope is that they’ll keep me there,
Ending the wind’s choreographic reign,
And with the child I shall remain.
This poem helps show that my Sri Chinmoy administered karma has been helping me fulfill all my dreams–the ones deep in my heart–because I wrote it three years before I knew my daughter would exist. My daughter has been a victim of emotional neglect. She used to scream at me to not leave her at school and cry at the classroom window for hours after I left. Why? She was suffering. Prior to her birth, my life was at the command of the mundane demands of life, like school work, like being at the mercy of the Wind blowing me this way and that. After her birth, at the very least, I can stick with her and never leave her. Perhaps at the very least my presence will give her some comfort and confidence, fulfilling the deeper wishes I had before I knew she would even exist.
The Struggle Within: The Wind’s Divine Melody (the multi-volume memoir) is a true story about overcoming anxiety, addiction, abuse, and spiteful actions. Jacob’s (later known as Arjuna) journey is both physical and spiritual and the stakes are higher than just “inner peace”. He is fighting to help his daughter. The first volume is currently available as an e-book.