What Do I Mean When I Say I Smeared Sri Chinmoy?
As you may know, I stopped posting these blog articles every Sunday because posting that frequently proved too time-consuming for me. What I plan to do is create shorter articles. Hopefully, you will be more interested in reading bite-sized chunks, and I will be able to post more often.
Now, when I say I smeared Sri Chinmoy, I want to clarify that I didn’t deliberately make up a story about him, although that is pretty close. After all, I criticized him and blamed him psychologically, and then expressed those thoughts to others, often under the guise of asking for help. I mean, if you are going to accuse a genuine spiritual Master of the highest order of doing something wrong to you no matter how humiliated you may feel—which is technically what I did—you are falsely accusing him, correct?
Yes. Yes, you are.
I accused him in my mind, usually in the form of self-talk diatribes, which is the definition of abuse. It would go something like this: I would feel humiliated by one of his divine touches—the kind which I have called “blows.” And in the absence of any understanding on my part as to why he did this, I would become angry or vengeful. I would then deliberately (in a cynical way) accuse him as a way of inflicting punishment, i.e., I did something I thought he would not like.
While growing up, it is often how I was treated and witnessed others being treated.
What I’m saying is that there is a difference between simply fabricating a story and accusing him the way I did. I didn’t say, for example, “Sri Chinmoy broke into my house and stole my microwave,”, which would be a complete and total fabrication. However, I did falsely accuse him of doing something wrong to me with the way he humiliated me through spiritual communication. So, technically, you may say there is no difference. To speak figuratively, I (often deliberately) saw him as a vicious wolf and, by doing so, I became a vicious wolf.
Please view this meme for an explanation of what I mean:
In the picture, cute, little puppy Huskies are said to be “Vicious wolves terrorizing the neighborhood.” It’s ironic because they’re not, but they are keeping to their dog nature. So, please keep that idea in mind when I speak figuratively by saying I saw Sri Chinmoy as a “vicious wolf,” and used my cynical, angry, and negative perspective to complain about him to some of his other disciples. In letters and phone calls, I described the spiritual communication I was experiencing with Sri Chinmoy in a way that falsely accused him. I described Guru as having harassed me and humiliated me so severely that it ruined my life. Or I would ask for help with what I was experiencing as though it was so brutal I was helpless and pathetic. And I believed these delusive perspectives sometimes, which technically meant, yes, I was indeed delusional.
But does that mean I have schizophrenia?
That is a question that still needs to be answered, and that is the purpose of my upcoming NCR (Not Criminally Responsible) Trial. I am challenging an NCR decision by a forensic psychiatrist, whom I have been calling ‘Dr. Potlick’ throughout this blog. According to Canadian law, I can’t be considered NCR if I do not have a mental illness in terms of a disease of the brain that would require me to take medication to help me function normally, such as schizophrenia. Dr. Potlick claimed I have schizophrenia in his NCR report, which was part of his reasoning to propose that I was NCR during the incident in question. Technically, I am not NCR yet, but if I lose this upcoming trial, I will be declared NCR and will be placed under the jurisdiction of the Criminal Code Review Board. They would determine my disposition.
This is so significant because if I am found to be NCR, I will never be able to challenge the claim that I have schizophrenia and thus never be able to vindicate myself from these false accusations. I have been getting better from the guidance of Sri Chinmoy and my sincere efforts, and I will continue to get better. But the psychiatrists will put me on a potent medication, and as I continue to improve and no longer have issues, they will be convinced that it is because of the medication that I am doing well, and I will never be able to go off it according to their mandate. The false accusations will linger for a very long time. I will also never be able to help my daughter through the Family Court with the emotional neglect against her and parental alienation against me that she has experienced all her life. I will forever be humiliated by this stigma perpetuated upon me.
In my next blog article, I will be clarifying the legal facts and information regarding Dr. Potlick’s NCR decision, as well as my attempt to challenge it. From this point forward, I will be posting each new article every Sunday and older articles every Wednesday, beginning with my first one.
But, yes, I did falsely accuse Sri Chinmoy, and that is why I am being (and have been for several years) falsely accused. It is my karma. These articles are one small step toward reversing my fortunes and atoning for my defamation against Sri Chinmoy. You should not speak about another person when you are upset with him or her. I have learned that through the blessings of Sri Chinmoy and will not do so again.