One thing I would like to make clear is I am not a highly adept or professional author, and I cannot afford editing services for this blog, so please bear with me. It was inspiration that was the divine spark which began my passion for writing this story back in 2010 and some very inspiring inner messages that strongly encouraged me to continue and take it very seriously.
It is very easy when you are writing about the truth. (It’d be far more difficult if I was lying.)
This is a blog that illustrates how it is extremely unwise to smear a spiritual Master and the Light of Sri Chinmoy.
Who is Sri Chinmoy?
Sri Chinmoy is a spiritual Master from East Bengal (now Bangladesh) who came to New York when He was 33 where He lived until He was 76. His life was one that was all compassion for others. He helped many through His teachings of prayer and meditation as well as self-transcendence of the human spirit, such as through various forms of physical exercise. Basically, His path is the path of the heart and not the path of the mind. He has hundreds of meditation centres all around the world, and by the time He left the body in 2007, He had about 7,000 disciples in 60 countries.
I say Sri Chinmoy IS a spiritual Master rather than WAS because He continues to guide and help us in His disembodied form from the higher regions, which dwell within us. In the Introduction of the book On Sri Chinmoy’s Sunlit Path: Stories by disciples of Sri Chinmoy, there states the following sentence:
“Since his Mahasamadhi in 2007, we naturally speak of Sri Chinmoy’s outer life in the past tense, but his inner presence lives on, perhaps yet more tangibly.”
In Sri Chinmoy’s writings we find, among others, the following passage:
“A camel takes his burden for six to ten years and then its body becomes useless and it dies. But a spiritual Master never becomes useless. Even when he leaves the body, he has to work for his disciples. That is the difference between the burden of a camel and the duties of a spiritual Master. The spiritual Master takes eternal responsibility for his dearest and closest disciples. So he has the shoulders of a divine camel.”
[Source: Obedience or oneness]
Many consider Sri Chinmoy to be an Avatar.
From ananda.org (https://www.ananda.org/yogapedia/avatar/):
“The Sanskrit word avatar (or avatara) literally means ‘descent.’
It refers to the descent of divinity from heaven to earth, and is typically used to describe an incarnation of God.”
It should be noted that the Avatars are all one, manifested in various forms, with different features, in different ages, with various ways to approach the Truth. Among many others, Sri Krishna, the Buddha, and Jesus Christ are all examples of Avatars, according to Sri Chinmoy.
For this reason (and others), it is often difficult for me to know the right words to use. For instance, I often don’t know whether to use the word ‘God’ or ‘Sri Chinmoy’. Forgive me for this. But throughout this blog, I often use the word ‘Sri Chinmoy’. I became His disciple in 1994 when I was 18; it is a perfectly reasonable explanation as to why Sri Chinmoy, specifically, would be my Inner Guide. As another example, I am fond of spiritual Master Mother Meera. Around mid-2016, while sitting at my shrine, I inwardly asked this Master whether I should call Part 1 of my book The Burn or The Wind’s Divine Melody. ‘The Wind’s Divine Melody’ was the reply. But was that Sri Chinmoy inwardly replying on Her behalf, or was that a direct inner message from Mother Meera? I generally lean towards the former.
As another example, here is a quote from Sri Chinmoy:
“There are some disciples whom I consider to be very dear to me who have emanations of mine “assigned” to their souls. An emanation is my inner representative that is associated with a particular soul and has a free access to me. At any hour an emanation may bring me a message about what you are doing, although usually it comes to me early in the morning.”
[Source: Obedience or oneness]
So, perhaps it would be more accurate to say that I am dealing with (most of the time) one of Sri Chinmoy’s emanations. However, I’ve decided to use the words ‘Sri Chinmoy’ and ‘Guru’, and that is mostly based on my own personal experience.
What This Blog is About
This blog is about the mire that I am in due to my karma from smearing Sri Chinmoy, entirely due to angry knee-jerk reactions to being disciplined by Him, something that doesn’t at all represent who I really am and how I ultimately feel about Sri Chinmoy. And it involves the intention of manifesting Sri Chinmoy’s Light that exudes within this story, such as how He has been and will continue to bring me out of this mire and how this was His Intention all along.
I have been keeping a journal and recording the details of this story since 2010 because I knew that Sri Chinmoy’s Light would manifest through this story somehow or another. I have been and will continue to compile and perfect this story’s written text into a multi-volume memoir, called The Struggle Within, as mentioned earlier. As mentioned, The Wind’s Divine Melody is Part 1 of The Struggle Within; and each Part is/will be divided into several volumes.
In this blog, I do my best to hide everyone’s identity. I change most people’s names, I hide or change certain distinguishing characteristics, and except for certain individuals, such as the lawyers and doctors, I refer to everyone as ‘my friend’, including family members.
This mire that I am in, which will be presented in two separate blog categories, namely How My Daughter Was a Victim of Emotional Neglect and My Credibility Tarnished by Psychiatry, is entirely due to the fact that I smeared Sri Chinmoy (through letters and phone calls) several times several years ago. Sri Chinmoy disciplined me inwardly several times in a way that caused humiliation; it offended me and made me angry and vengeful, and I tried to punish Him. I tried to give off the impression to a few disciples that He was tormenting me and ruining my life.
The Challenge of Helping My Daughter
This mire involves my challenge of trying to fix/improve the image of me that has been affected in my daughter’s mind, something which I have always strongly felt would improve our relationship and allow me to be able to help her better. This also involves an inability of mine, as a result of the defamation of character against me towards our daughter by her mother, Erin, to be able to help her, to get her to do things I feel she should, such as take a shower every day, or to stop spending so much time on her cell phone, and much more. She also has mental health problems feeling that I am doing something wrong to her or that there is something wrong with me.
Erin and I have not been together since our daughter was three month’s old, in 2004. She has been a victim of emotional neglect and parental alienation against me all her life. As an example, Erin had been getting our daughter to keep secrets from me since birth. It resulted in major mental health problems, exhibited as behaviour problems. By getting her to keep secrets and teaching her that I do things wrong (or that her mother’s way is the only correct way), Erin seriously affected the innocent relationship between my daughter and me as well as my daughter’s perception of me.
It made it very difficult for me to feel I could work with Erin on a co-parenting basis, so, I, therefore, began to prepare to fight for custody in 2012 when our daughter was 7. But before I was able to move forward with an application to the court, Erin did everything she could to make me look bad to the Family Court with the help of a high-paid lawyer paid for by her mother. At that same time, Sri Chinmoy, my Inner Guide inwardly tricked me (believe it or not) due to my karma for smearing Him years prior. Had I not been infused with this spiritual experience from Sri Chinmoy, and then received the resulting disservice from Nova Scotia Health Authority psychiatrists and a Nova Scotia Legal Aid lawyer, it would have been much easier to just fight against Erin in court, which would have had a lot to do with trying to restore my tarnished character impacted upon (and relationship with) my daughter and my attempt to help her better.
But you could also view it as Sri Chinmoy doing something positive for me compared to what otherwise would have occurred. I will try to explain that better in future blog posts.
Because of what Erin did (and because of the spiritual experience with Sri Chinmoy mentioned above), I went from having my daughter about 25% of the time to supervised access (to my daughter) about 4% of the time. Erin also convinced my daughter that she shouldn’t listen to me when I try to get her to meditate and do other things, helped convince her that God doesn’t exist, that I’m weird, and other acts of defamation of character against me towards my daughter, a lot of which I have only been able to become privy to by seeing the problems in my daughter’s attitude towards me.
My Credibility Tarnished by Psychiatrists
The other part of this mire is the issue with the fact that because of Nova Scotia Health Authority psychiatrists, it has been impossible for me to help my daughter through a legal process (through the Family Court) with the emotional neglect (and parental alienation towards me) that she has been going through, which could be more specifically defined as ‘the tarnished image of me that’s been impressed upon her’. These psychiatrists, mostly Dr. Nelson, only became an unwelcome and unexpected hurdle in my life after Sri Chinmoy, as my Higher Power, tricked me, as mentioned above, during late May and early June 2012 as per my karma for smearing Him years prior. While fighting for what’s best for my daughter, I also have been fighting to restore my image and credibility.
Sometime in the spring of 2013, I was lying in bed, and wondered to myself what was the reason I made myself look bad back in 2012, particularly with all my Facebook posts — some of which warning people of a “sickness” that was being started deliberately — and, while wondering that, or immediately after wondering it, Sri Chinmoy (whom I have also referred to as ‘Sir’ in my story) inwardly told me the reason that happened was because what I did to Him came back to me, and, as He said that, He made a white streak-of-a-line-semi-oval that started at me, went to Him, and then came back to me.
Ultimately, these two blog categories are directly related and it is all one mire, but the issue with the Nova Scotia Health Authority psychiatrists has started to become a whole category on its own with the fact that I am now being threatened with the possibility of being forced to go on a potent antipsychotic drug, namely Clozapine. If I did have to go on this drug, it would be something I would have to do for the rest of my life (from a psychiatrist’s perspective). This is something I strongly oppose, especially considering the potential side-effects from this medication, which could include constipation, sedation, drooling, and the possibility of developing diabetes and other irreversible adverse effects to your body or brain.
Inspiration For You
Let me tell you a little story.
One morning, in 2000, not long after waking up, I was shaving in front of the bathroom mirror. I had been suffering from a very sore throat for about two weeks and that morning I noticed that my sore throat was not making any progress in going away. While shaving, I spoke to Sri Chinmoy as though He was standing right beside me; I didn’t concentrate or apply any intensity to speaking the words, because I knew He could hear everything I say. I said, “Guru, can you please do something about my throat?” Immediately after I finished that sentence I began to feel a tingling in my throat. It felt very good and it massaged my throat where the pain was. I was amazed at what was happening. After it stopped, the pain in my throat was gone. There was still a little trace of the soreness when I swallowed but that cleared up soon after. I offered gratitude. It was very nice of Him to do that.
Sri Chinmoy also cured my lower back pain at the end of 2016 with a simple and delicate divine touch. Due to pain, I had several times not been able to stand up straight or bend over and a few times fell to the floor unable to get up.
But these things I can’t really prove to people. You only have my words to go by. Granted, my parents were witnesses to my lower back problem and are aware, for the most part, that I am no longer having issues with it, but they would be hard-pressed to believe that Sri Chinmoy had anything to do with it. But what if some things were to occur that would be very difficult for a nonbeliever to deny?
Because I’ve become upset with Sri Chinmoy several times, my relationship with Sri Chinmoy is entirely seen (by certain psychiatrists) as schizophrenia, and any claim on my part that Sri Chinmoy cured my throat problem and lower back pain would also be seen as a delusional belief. It would be almost impossible for me to prove that I don’t have schizophrenia.
Basically, I am going to be taking certain Nova Scotia Health Authority psychiatrists to court, mainly Dr. Potlick and Dr. Nelson (names have been changed). If I lose this trial, I will likely be forced to go on Clozapine (likely by needle injection). If I win, I will completely get the psychiatrists out of my life and likely be cleared of the schizophrenia label, making it much easier to help my daughter and restore my credibility. (If I DIDN’T take them to court, I would most likely be forced to go on Clozapine and it would become IMPOSSIBLE for me to ever challenge the schizophrenia label.)
It takes courage to start this blog and write and publish the multi-volume memoir I’ve been working on (not delusion).
What I may be able to illustrate in this blog is that the reason I felt so fueled (several times) from emotional or humiliation pain to make Sri Chinmoy “pay” and to find fault with Him and blame Him, is because of the emotional abuse I’ve dealt with all my life. I’ve never really been taught to “turn the other cheek” and often have been on the receiving end and a witness to the opposite. I’ve only recently started embracing this way of responding/reacting by studying the New Testament over the last two or three years.
This is a brutal experience for me. I often feel deeply hurt by how I have been treated and what I’ve been going through. But there is a positive side to this. It seems to be fulfilling all my dreams, deep in my heart, all that I ever wanted in the first place. A gift from Sri Chinmoy?
I assure you, you may not understand how this is a gift yet this early into the blog, but I do.
There is other karma I have been and will have to deal with from the way I behaved over the years, but this blog will only cover my karma from smearing Sri Chinmoy and other supporting information regarding that.
Here is a little quote from Sri Chinmoy I’ll leave you with for now:
— Sri Chinmoy
[From: God, Avatars and yogis]