Parental Alienation: Evidence of How This Affected My Daughter

Parental Alienation: Evidence of Harmful Effects to Mental Health

~~~~

As you may know, this blog is mainly about the karma I’ve been going through for smearing my spiritual Master, Sri Chinmoy, to about 10 to 15 of His disciples beginning around 1999 for disciplining me, which I felt, with a vengeful attitude fueled with false accusations, caused me too much humiliation. This often involved writing letters out of anger, then that migrated to email. On a few occasions, it involved phone calls.

Part of the point I want to make in some of these blog articles is that my karma for this defaming behaviour didn’t just result in psychiatrists tarnishing my credibility with the label of schizophrenia, making it impossible (thus far) to help my daughter through the Family Court (which, thus far, has been my only option as per our legal system here in Nova Scotia, Canada) with the emotional neglect she had been going through since birth.

It also resulted in several other experiences making me look bad/false accusations making it difficult for me to do what’s best, including but not limited to:

  • I had been falsely accused by the Halifax Regional Police on several occasions. On one occasion (which I tend to call the March 22, 2012 incident), I had called the Halifax Regional Police asking for help because the mother, Erin, had taken our daughter during my Court Ordered time. During this incident, Erin lied to the police about what she was doing and about me, the police officer seemed to believe her, and I got accused by this Halifax Regional police officer of appearing to be on drugs during her visit, which she put in her police report. This police officer, whom I’ll call D-1, didn’t actually do anything to help, other than file a report.
  • Because Erin “screwed up” (as alluded to above) and felt she had been caught being deceptive in her emails to me, she then preemptively, with the help of her lawyer, did what she could to make me look really bad in a couple affidavits against me because she didn’t want to lose against me in court had I decided to challenge her before she could do anything about it, causing me to lose a lot of valuable time with my daughter and ability to help her. (But of course this is not the way it appeared to the court.)
  • A close family member of mine smeared me on several occasions to the mother of my child; this family member’s words, some of which, Erin included in her affidavits against me. In fact, a couple close family members of mine made me look much worse off than I really was to several Nova Scotia Health Authority mental health professionals. (And as I mentioned in previous blog articles, a stipulation in mine and Erin’s new Court Order made it impossible for me to help my daughter, Abigail, without a letter from one of the Nova Scotia Health Authority psychiatrists who were misunderstanding me by simply using their predispositions to diagnose and thus tarnishing my image and credibility.)
  • And last but not least, since her birth, Erin has been causing Abigail to have issues with me. It may not sound like it based off just a superficial description, but, just by getting Abigail to keep secrets from me, for example, caused her to have issues with me as though there were things wrong with me.

In this blog article, I would like to provide a few glimpses into what was being done to mine and my daughter’s innocent father-daughter relationship, which amounted to emotional neglect (and parental alienation against me).

As you may imagine, proving emotional neglect/emotional abuse is a very difficult thing to do. Often there is no real evidence other than the victim’s words, and with whatever evidence there may be one would have to set aside their predispositions and really assess it. Otherwise….. we just don’t do anything about it? or we don’t ever actually address it by providing the wrong and specious “solution”?

In order to not make these blog articles too long, I can only show you a couple glimpses of the evidence I DO have per article.

The following is an email message I sent to the mother when our daughter (now 14), whom I renamed ‘Abigail’ for this blog and my book, The Struggle Within, was five years old:

/ Mon. 12 Oct. 2009
/ To: Erin
/ From: Jacob [‘Jacob’ is the fictitious name I used for myself throughout my story]

Erin,

I just want to let you know about a number of different things Abigail has said to me that she says you’ve said to her. Most of them have been fairly recent. And i’ll list them in chronological order:

  • When she was four years old, according to her, you told her that something i am telling her to do while under my care is really just her choice.
  • Apparently you told her that i was doing the wrong thing by leaving after dropping her off at theatre class. According to her, you said I shouldn’t do that because what if she became sad.
    I then asked you to please try and not speak ill of me to Abigail to which you replied “sure no problem”
  • Shortly after, she became upset with me because, according to her, i cut her hair and i shouldn’t do that. And she said that you told her that.
  • Most recently, she has been saying to me “Mommy knows everything and Daddy knows nothing”. And she says you were the one that said this to her. Sometimes she says this out the blue. Sometimes, when i am trying to tell her to do something, she says this crying and yelling as if i don’t know what i’m doing so she really shouldn’t be listening to me.

If you have said these sorts of things to her, then i am not comfortable with it and i am disappointed in you because i know you are more mature than that.

Thanks,
Jacob
[No response]

The following is from Chapter Five of my book, The Struggle Within: The Wind’s Divine Melody (Vol. 1), regarding how my daughter was as she was growing up:

Abigail was misbehaving a lot, and it was often stressful for me. She would deliberately do things that were bothersome or that she shouldn’t do, and I couldn’t understand why. When she was in the state of mind resulting in her deliberately doing something bothersome and I would tell her not to do what she was doing, she would then deliberately do that thing again and again. Usually, asking her to stop doing something would only make the behaviour worse. [She is still to this day, at age 14, (sometimes) exhibiting this issue.] This has meant that there were times she was doing something dangerous and asking her to stop only caused her to continue. Obviously, that put me (and her) in a challenging position.

[It is interesting, because throughout the years particularly before Abigail was born, I often deliberately misbehaved to my Master such as by deliberately turning to alcohol and other negative things in reaction to “blows”, and then the very same thing happened to me from my daughter.]

My daughter was having serious behaviour problems at school as well. As I had later learned, Erin was also getting her to keep secrets from her teachers. The following are a couple emails from two of my daughter’s teachers:

/ Mon., 07 Mar. 2011
/ To: Grade Primary teacher
/ From: Jacob

Hi Grade Primary teacher,

How are you? I’m wondering if you can briefly answer a question on Abigail’s behaviour during her entire Primary year: In your experience, does her behaviour generally stand out as unusual in comparison to other children her age?

Thank you

/ Wed., 16 Mar. 2011
/ To: Jacob
/ From: Grade Primary teacher

Hi Jacob,

I apologize for the delay in my response as I’ve been out for the past couple of weeks. Abigail’s behaviour during the Primary year was unusual in comparison to other children her age.

Sincerely,

Grade Primary teacher

 * * * *

/ Sat., 05 Feb. 2011
/ To: Grade One teachers
/ From: Jacob

Hi Grade One teachers,

I’m just wondering if you can answer a couple quick questions about Abigail’s behaviour:
1. Have you noticed an improvement since the beginning of the year?
2. Do you feel her behaviour stands out in comparison to the other students in your classroom?
Thanks so much. Have a good weekend/week, and I’ll be in touch again soon.

/ Sun., 06 Feb. 2011
/ To: Jacob
/ From: Grade One teacher

Hi Jacob….At times I have seen glimpses of improvement in Abigail’s behaviour but overall, I would say no, and in fact the last couple of weeks there has been a regression in her behaviour. Abigail’s behaviour definitely stands out in comparison to the other students. At times the other children get annoyed because Abigail’s behaviour often interrupts class discussions. It is easy to see the frustration on the other children’s faces when they have to wait while Abigail needs to spoken to several times to put her book away and sit and stay in her seat. Grade One teacher

The National Clearinghouse on Family Violence (now replaced by Stop Family Violence) has indicated that possible indicators of emotional abuse and neglect include (among others): inappropriate behaviour for age or development.

I had to show you the above emails because many people would likely dismiss the things I’m saying as common everyday behavioural issues in a child. Similarly, some people would likely look at the dates above and say that this was long ago, it is long over, so why should it matter now? But the experiences my daughter went through back then, such as major social “failures” and frequently getting in trouble, has permanently impacted her psychological make-up and impedes her potential for success to this day. This is why it needs to be addressed.

This has amounted to emotional neglect on the part of Erin because a) our daughter was suffering because of it and b) Erin did not stop what she was doing that was causing this suffering or c) try to get Abigail help with it.

My daughter should at the very least be receiving counselling, but there is nothing I can do about that without the mother’s permission.

As you may know by now, in 2010, I began recording a lot of this story in journal format to my friend, Tammy. About two years after I sent the above email to the mother, I describe the following to Tammy about Abigail’s behaviour. The following were my exact words to her. Take special note of the bolded text:

Fri., 16 Dec. 2011:

Abigail is tricky. She tries to get me to apologize after i scold her or correct her and says i hurt her feelings and starts to fake cry, which can be really tricky ‘cause it sounds real and can fool people into thinking that i actually literally did something to hurt her. And i’m like, “Wait a minute, did i really hurt your feelings or are you just trying to get the upper hand, or whatever?” ‘cause there’s this problem that she has that i’ve seen for a long time now, even before she started school, like maybe at least since she was 3, she gets “upset”, but it’s not a real upset; it’s like an angry-upset cry where she sort of wrongly, and angrily, convinces herself that i’m somehow doing something wrong to her and she’s gonna go to Mommy to report this to Mommy, or that Mommy should get involved now somehow, and she’s gonna get me in trouble with Mommy. And it’s really weird because all this is tied into her deliberate inappropriate behavior where she’s defiant, or bothersome, not cooperating, or doing things she’s not supposed to; she tries to push your buttons, and she can be mean in her tone when she’s in this state of mind.

And it’s the exact same problem the teachers have been having a problem with since Primary; she drove the Primary teacher crazy—i’m sure. And it’s weird ‘cause it’s like she’s messing with my head. I think that all she wants to do is get me in trouble, with Mommy. And i don’t know why or where she gets that from.

Yes, Erin was most likely, with a haughty attitude, often making our daughter think that I do certain things wrong and I shouldn’t do that and this.

[Well, actually, that is the same kind of thing I did to my Master. With a haughty or with a falsely accusatory attitude, I criticized Him to some of His disciples.]

Part of the problem with this is I know what I’ve seen happen to my daughter and what she went through, and most other people don’t. I can’t magically SHOW you what I’ve witnessed, so instead, I have to try to show you evidence of the emotional abuse she was a victim of and try to describe what I’ve seen my daughter going through with my words. That is not an easy thing to do.

It may not seem quite like it to you, but I am actually not very good with words sometimes. I’ll be able to show in subsequent articles, for example, how some of her teachers did a much better job of describing details and intricacies of Abigailr’s behaviour, which, as I also hope to clarify, described my daughtersuffering.

Unfortunately only I am aware more than just about anybody else that my daughter’s mental health still to this day is being affected by this. And part of what I would like to show in these blog articles is that Nova Scotia Health Authority psychiatrists, particularly Dr. Nelson (name has been changed), stood in my way from being able to help Abigail with this through a legal process through the Family Court (although I am still trying).

Unfortunately, at age 15, my daughter still doesn’t really know that what happened to her (and in varying manifestations still happens to her) — in terms of the parental alienation and emotional neglect — was wrong and that she is a victim of abuse. I certainly don’t know how to explain it to her without in any way bashing her mother.

~~~~~

Arjuna D. Ghose lives in Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada (most of the time). When he's not working on writing for this blog or his multi-volume memoir, The Struggle Within, he's usually working on web design and development projects or trying to help his daughter to help ensure she grows up believing in herself, with happiness, and making good choices. He became a member of the Sri Chinmoy Centre in 1994 and continues to follow the teachings of Sri Chinmoy with the intention of making continuous progress toward the goal of fully actualizing and manifesting his spiritual nature.

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